English : Queen's Language

ENGLISH !! We know the language has always been this way !

...but its the Queen's language and we will continue to speak it the Queen's way!!

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,

But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes;

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese;

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,

Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.


If the plural of man is always called men,

Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen ?

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,

And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet ?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth ?


Then one may be that, & three would be those,

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose;

And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother & also of brethren,

But though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his & him,

But imagine the feminine: she, shis & shim !


Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;

Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England.



We take English for granted,

but if we explore its paradoxes,

We find that quicksand can work slowly,

boxing rings are square;

A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

Why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing,

Grocers don't groce & hammers don't ham ?


Doesn't it seem crazy that ...

you can make amends but not one amend ?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends ...

and get rid of all but one of them,

What do you call it ?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught ?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,

what does a humanitarian eat ?


Sometimes I think all people who speak English

Should be in an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play,

and play at a recital ?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship ...

We have noses that run & feet that smell;

We park in a driveway & drive in a parkway.

And how can a slim chance & a fat chance be the same,

while a wise man & a wise guy are opposites ?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language

in which your house can burn up as it burns down;

In which you fill in a form by filling it out,

& in which an alarm goes off by going on.


And in closing ....


If Father is Pop ....

how come Mother's not Mop ? ? ? ?


Happy Mother's Day.. ;)

In current context of corruption

In current context of corruption! :)



Three contractors one from India, another from Germany and the third from England are bidding to repair the White House fence.

They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The English contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works on some figures with a pencil.
The English contractor after doing all the measurements says "Well I figure the job will cost you about $ 900, $400 for materials, $ 400 for labour and $ 100 profit for me."

The German contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $ 700.... $ 300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $ 100 profit for me."

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or do any figuring, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: "$ 2,700."

The official incredulously says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," the Indian explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Germany to do the work!"

Newton's Law of Love

Universal law:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed, only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money.


First law:
A boy in love with a girl, continues to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continues to be in love with him, until on unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and breaks the legs of the boy.


Second law:
The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance.

Third law:
The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals.