Thursday, June 23, 2011


Few good definations....

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Etc: A word to make people believe that you know more than actually you do.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Classic: A book which people praise but never read

Conference: A place where everybody talks, no one listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Dictionary: A place where "divorce" comes before "marriage"!

Tears: The hydraulic force by which musculine will power is defeated by feminine water power.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference 2: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Lecture: The art of transmitting information from lecturer's to students notes without passing through the minds of either.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Love vs marriage

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

TV has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".

Conclusion: "Love is blind , Marriage is an eye opener!"

In current context of corruption

In current context of corruption! :)

Three contractors one from India, another from Germany and the third from England are bidding to repair the White House fence.

They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The English contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works on some figures with a pencil.
The English contractor after doing all the measurements says "Well I figure the job will cost you about $ 900, $400 for materials, $ 400 for labour and $ 100 profit for me."

The German contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $ 700.... $ 300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $ 100 profit for me."

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or do any figuring, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: "$ 2,700."

The official incredulously says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," the Indian explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Germany to do the work!"

You have two cows!

You have two cows

Chandrababuism : You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to Internet and milk them from Hyderabad .
Jayalalithaism : You have two cows. You teach them to cry,"Ammaa.." & fall at ur feet.
Karunanidhiism : You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to ur nephew ..
Gandhism : You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.
Indiraism : You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.
Lalooism : You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.
Rajnikantism : You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.
Rajivism : You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.

Softwarism: (Ultimate.)

Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them.
1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)
8 . Redo step 4
9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy?
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk.
(The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1!!